Conscious Birth

I never thought I would join a mom’s group. I just didn’t think I was that person. Not that I really know who that person is, I just didn’t think I was her. I guess I thought mom’s groups were for women who had nothing else to do but talk about kids and what a mess their house was all the time. You know, boring stuff. I was going to demand more intellectually stimulating conversation than any mom’s group could muster.

Then my first daughter was born and my world was totally rocked. I was head over heels in love and in over my head at the NON-STOP demand of motherhood. I didn’t expect it all to be such a jolt to my system. What made it worse was that I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. Sure, I talked to my husband, but he didn’t really get it. How could he? And all of my friends were childless. I needed to meet other moms STAT.

So I went to a parenting class. I was in a room with about 15 other moms and their newborns. Most of us were first time moms too. And I LOVED it! These women were in the same boat as me. We were all trying to figure out this baby and this new job we had at varying degrees of success. I learned from the other moms about what worked and what didn’t. I wouldn’t have to reinvent the wheel with my baby. But best of all, I met some women whom I really liked. We got together outside of that class and I realized I was now a part of a mom’s group.
Sure, we talk about kids and what a mess our house was, which is boring to me sometimes. But it’s also my reality and I need a comrade who understands when I’m about to lose it. The other moms in my life understand me when I say that I can’t make dinner because I have two human leg warmers preventing me from walking to the stove. They understand when I tell them that my husband messes up our flow on the weekends. And they get me when I tell them that I cry watching any story about a mom losing their baby on TV.

My mom’s group has become a big support system for me. I am a better mom because of it.

I went to a birthday party of a new friend recently. She was pregnant with her first baby. It was a small gathering, so opening the presents was an intimate affair.

One friend, who recently gave birth to her first baby, gave my friend a hooter hider- you know one of those cover ups for women to use to hide their nursing baby and boob. I groaned under my breath. My husband, Leon, was so confused. He didn’t get how this apron could have anything to do with breastfeeding. In case you aren’t familiar with Hooter Hiders, they look just like aprons, but the neck area has a sturdy ring in it so that the mom can see her baby who is nursing underneath it. I’m sure many women are thrilled to use them. And if they get more women to nurse in public, then I’m all for it. I just don’t think they are necessary. And they certainly don’t make a good birthday present.

Forget the fact that I’m not a huge fan of the product. My issue with the gift is that this was a WOMAN’S birthday. She was not technically a mom yet. And even if she was, her birthday gifts should be more for HER. A Hooter Hider is a perfectly appropriately gift for a baby shower, but not for a woman’s birthday. To me, it’s the same as getting a vacuum cleaner for you birthday. It’s not really a gift for YOU. It’s a gift that says, “Happy Birthday. Now clean something.”
When a woman becomes a mother, she is giving up a large part of herself, even if she never intends to. In certain circles, she will lose her identity and her name will become “so-and-so’s Mom”. Her free time will be scarce and she will practically ignore her hobbies, if she even remembers what they are at all. So, I think her birthday should be the one day that’s really about HER, the person.

Here’s a reminder: appliances, anything that will benefit the family more than her, and Hooter Hiders are all bad birthday gifts.

I just found out about this new website that had some interesting facts about babies in and out of the womb. Below is an excerpt. To read more, go to
http://onlinenursepractitionerschools.com/40-truly-amazing-facts-about-babies/

Amazing Facts About Babies In The Womb
Learn some truly amazing facts that they undergo from conception to birth.

1. Unbelievable Growth : During the nine months between conception and birth, a baby’s weight increases 3,000 million times. On average. And this doesn’t even take into account for multiple births.

2. Babies Eat Before Mom : Much like after they are born, babies eat first. Using the umbilical, they take the nutrients they need and leave mom the rest. This is why it’s so important for a woman to eat a healthy diet during pregnancy.

3. It’s All About The Heart : Prenatal babies take less than a month to develop and begin using their heart. On average it takes only 18 days from conception.

4. I Can Hear You : In another amazing accomplishment before the first month of the first trimester, they have begun to form their hearing. Vision and respiratory systems also form.

5. What Are You Thinking About? : Although what they are thinking isn’t certain, the brain waves of a fetus can be recorded. This usually happens at the 42nd day after conception.

6. Their First Pacifier : Babies don’t wait until they are outside the womb to begin sucking their thumb. In this blog entry, Rambling Madwoman shows you her ultrasound at seven weeks, along with the adorable pictures of thumb sucking and other details.

7. All Systems Go : Although they are not running at full speed, babies have developed or begun to develop all of their bodily systems before the second month of the first trimester is over. It usually happens by the eighth week after conception.

8. Womb, Schmomb : A babies chances of surviving outside the womb under intensive medical care can happen at around after the six month period. A prenatal baby that is 26 weeks old after conception has over a 50% chance of surviving.

9. Their First Cry : While the doctor spanking them at birth might sound like their first cries, they aren’t. Babies can cry at the 26 week mark after conception. They even have taste buds, which might explain some of their crying.

10. But Can They Laugh? : The short answer is “no.” However, babies on ultrasound are seen to react to their mother’s laughing by bouncing up and down. This can happen in as little as 32 weeks after conception.

I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding in public. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things about breastfeeding. Not that I want to whip my boobs out in public any chance I can (those days are long gone, with the cleavage I had before kids…). But I love the convenience of breastfeeding. If my baby is crying, fussy, or hurt, I can make it all better with a little “nursey”. I don’t have to fuss with a bunch of bottles, formula pouches, etc. “Have boobs, will travel”.

It seems that nursing in public, is the biggest obstacle I hear over and over again from women. For whatever the reason (and I do get that not everyone is as free with their body as I am), women feel insecure, embarrassed, nervous, or ashamed to nurse in public. Having someone looking on doesn’t help the situation with their stares and even rude comments.

Yes, I live in a very pro-breastfeeding, liberal area, so my experiences of breastfeeding in public have been mostly positive. Or more accurately, my experiences have been very uneventful, which is just what I want.

Here are just a few of the places I have nursed:
Home in front of friends and family of both sexes
Airport
Restaurant
My daughter’s gym class
The park
The gym
Various different retail stores
Museum
Doctor and dentist office
The public pool
Hotel
Theater
Camping
Disneyworld, Seaworld, and Epcot
Music Concert
Parking lot
The mall
Cruise ship
Business meeting
Coffee shop
Ferry
Airplane
City bus
Outdoor festival
Apple orchard
Synagogue
Buddhist temple
Christian church
Wedding
The beach
Grocery store

I have nursed in Washington, Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, California, Canada, Hawaii, Alaska, Oregon, and the Bahamas. So don’t let society tell you when and where to feed your baby. Breastfeeding is natural; it’s what those things are for! And a nursing baby usually gets less stares from people than a screaming baby. Happy Nursing!

I was having one of those days. You know the kind where you would welcome a bullet thought your head. We were traveling in Florida with our 9 month old daughter. Too much sun, too many attractions, and not enough sleep was making me cranky. It was also getting to my baby. She was off on all counts and nothing seemed to please her.

The day’s agenda included a visit to the Salvador Dali Museum (if you go, take the guided tour). You know how museums are: quiet. Well, Lucy was making sure her presence was known by screaming though out the entire place. I was trying to ignore the stares and find a discreet place for me to nurse her. I found a bench facing that painting with the melting clocks. I faced the painting with my back to the rest of the museum and nursed Lucy to a much calmer state. Then a female security guard, in her late 60’s, approached me.

Before I get into the exchange we had, I want to be very clear that I was DISCREET. No, I didn’t have a blanket or a Hooter Hider covering me. But there was no boob showing. And I was facing a wall, for pete’s sake.

The security guard approached me. “Are you nursing her?”

I smiled and said yes.

“Come on then. I’ll show you the back room.”

I smiled wider. “Oh, I’m ok here. I don’t mind.” As if I was really going out of my way to nurse on this bench. Did I mention I was facing a WALL?

The guard wasn’t having any of it. She wiggled her finger for me to follow her as she said, “It doesn’t bother me either, but it’s going to bother someone.”

REALLY? WHO IS BOTHERED? WHERE IS THE DING -DONG WHO IS BOTHERED LOOKING AT MY BACK WHILE I SHUT MY BABY UP BY NURSING HER? WERE THEY LESS BOTHERED WHILE SHE WAS SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF?

No, I didn’t say any of that to the guard. I wish I could report that I did and then some. I just took a big breath and let out a very audible sigh (passive-aggressive, I know) and followed her to the
“back room”. Turns out the back room was holding a meeting, so I was stationed in a part of the museum that did not really exhibit the best of Dali, so nobody went there. I took a seat and went back to nursing Lucy.

Proof of the fact that nobody came to this part of the museum: it took over 20 minutes for my husband to find me. Knowing that I will nurse anywhere, anytime, he was puzzled.

“Why are you back here?”, he asked.

I got teary-eyed and hung my head down low. “I’m not a lactivist”, I moaned. I told him what happened and how I had been banished for nursing. I told him that I just didn’t have the energy to fight that woman and cause a scene, which is more like me. Maybe if she got me on a day when I had more sleep, I could have really socked it to her. Yeah, I would have really let her have it! He gave me a big hug and reassured me that I was indeed a lactivist, just a tired one.

That is the only time anyone has ever made my nursing in public an issue. If it ever happens again, that person better watch out, because both of my kids sleep through the night now. So I’ll be ready.